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February 12, 2011
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Can I be enigmatic, relevant
as a tiny ball of fission in the dark art of nothing?
Can I pull up all the lures and rule this aching planet
by proxy, without fumbling in ugly desperation
like an old decrepit dictator
hiding from the throng?  

Can I be a woman?

Mother or whore or star nursery run-away,
I'll peel away the subscripts;  
Name me in your poetry
only
and I'll put a fiery end
to the tiresome frontier
of a hundred men.

Stone me in old testament fists, it won't matter;
I'll laugh and lantern myself in pink stockings and garter,
shocking with blush wounds,
frosting my doe eyes
in feather
blood.  
Stretch mine out to their wildest dimensions,
flattening ovals in weepy oceans,
and I'll lay deep in the bottom of your gravity well.
Crush me together and I'll learn how to beg you
to winter my brushfire and smother my lips
to their plumbs
in a black-light
for today God is Man,
and I'm made just for
staggering

(life.)

Loom me with luscious
and vibrating fronds that open like tongues
in soft war of words.
It does not demean me
to admit
that I am arc-less, cold circuitry,
a prism in the dark,
stolid and spoiling
from unspent evolutions that crown from my skull
and spill into the void;
every night
spent alone
is a genocide.  
Will you listen when I cry for the crackling white, threaten
you with expulsion from
Armageddons and Edens?
What words will be written
if I'm not made your muse,
or made into an animal,
if there's no stretch of drum
to make song of my collapse?

From birth I've been crestfallen
by the cravings of a universe
that etherealises me
and my cruel design
with the dreamworks of a manic prayer.
And who will live with this snake-logic
stuck in their cells,
a genetic heresy that bores keyholes in the flesh
and still pass me on the streets, eying my temple, without falling
prone to the death of ideals
(and marry obsession)?  
Who will wrestle for my domain, my dominion, my ten thousand
centuries of covenants with light?
Who will grab me and calm
my scattering womb,
unfold my intentions, unleash all my magic?

Put into my own dimension, free of your tangents, of your wild, feral growth
of your love and your scorn and your purple grip,
I'll become a worthless testimonialist,
quantifying realities
of death,
weeping my finality
back into clouds.
I need
new
puncturing,
burn of your intelligence
or my will to care for what follows us
will perish in the desuetude
of wasted genesis
along with the organ
that hopes like the sun  
and those
pale,
stupid
fingers
that pile sandcastles
on beaches,
making monuments
to temporal
insubstantiality.

Don't tell me our Earth will be fine without me,
some happy divorce.
For I am its dreamer, its philosopher queen!
I'm never unnatural, like some foreign agency, terrorist of the soul
threatening my Mother with teenage suicide.  
Don't tell me I'm wicked or unbecoming,
or that I don't trundle the beautiful tragedy of every moment in my eyes;
the very memories of God.

Don't leave me alone
(with my unopened gift.)

But I will be alone. See the weight, unaccustomed, like ancient stones
etching my cheekbones with regret. I'll lay next to the fount and stare
into the darkest pitch you can cast;
I won't even remember what I was (looking) for.
Everything will be flat and motionless, with a paper ash depth.
And nothingness will happen
in the next
one hundred
trillion years,
and none of it will matter
to me (and I was all that mattered).
I will see how all promising biology is simply a talismanic organ
of a gigantic dead forever,
a nonexistent particle
floating in a bowl of inert stardust,
an enzyme for a chemical
that never left
the maker's desk
drawer.
But here I am anyway,
stalling for your time and your cold-hearted smile.
Here I am, and if anything was ever real
in this lie
of my sex
it's that I
am a half,

we are whole.
this is a poem that i've wanted to write for a long time. it was inspired by a poem i read on dA awhile back by someone i watch - i can't remember the name of her poem, something like "if i were a man". but it appears she's deleted it, so i cannot link you to it. oh well. enjoy.

Anonymous Love Poems

---

2/22/11 - major edit, based on feedback
3/27/11 - minor edit
---

5/29/11 - uploaded an audio recording of this poem: [link]

---

preview image source: [link]
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:iconallixson:
allixson Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So... what does it mean? What was the poem that inspired this like?
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013   Writer
What does it mean? All of it? I suppose the simplest answer is that it is self-analysis disguised as gender role reversal fantasy.
I am reveling in the idea of womanhood by using absurb exaggerations and wildly romanticized notions.

The poem it was inspired by was very different in terms of style but had a similar intent, I believe.
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
and I'll lay deep in the bottom of your gravity well.

oh... the sinking, crushing weight of my chest caving in on itself that this line incites... your words :faint:
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013   Writer
:heart:! I'm glad they had an effect on you. :D
Reply
:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"frosting my doe eyes
in feather
blood." -- so brutal but my goodness how pretty you say it!

"Stretch mine out to their wildest dimensions,
flattening ovals in weepy oceans,
and I'll lay deep in the bottom of your gravity well." - wow :heart:

This piece is such a mixed bag - all the good and all the bad = (wo)man ;)
Sometimes I feel this so much: "every night
spent alone
is a genocide. "

Fuck this made me teary : "Will you listen when I cry for the crackling white, threaten
you with expulsion from
Armageddons and Edens?
What words will be written
if I'm not made your muse,
or made into an animal,
if there's no stretch of drum
to make song of my collapse?" - it's so painfully beautiful and polar.

Without even finishing this rediculously amazing and epitomizing piece I added it to my folder of "godly things" - this happened when I read these lines: "From birth I've been crestfallen
by the cravings of a universe
that etherealises me
and my cruel design
...snake-logic
stuck in their cells,
a genetic heresy that bores keyholes in the flesh
and still pass me on the streets, eying my temple, without falling
prone to the death of ideals
(and marry obsession)? "

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! :D:D:D wowww......wowww...oh my god! lol that is too amazing!

"weeping my finality
back into clouds."
this piece just keeps hitting me so wildly in the heart!

"along with the organ
that hopes like the sun" ohhh :heart: yes, yes!

"Don't tell me our Earth will be fine without me,
some happy divorce." -- so plath, i adore it!

"or that I don't trundle the beautiful tragedy of every moment in my eyes;
the very memories of God." - dear god, i am so moved right now!
You are the best writer on dA : FACT!

I will see how all promising biology is simply a talismanic organ
of a gigantic dead forever,
a nonexistent particle
floating in a bowl of inert stardust,
an enzyme for a chemical
that never left
the maker's desk
:faint:
I'm so glad i reread this...this is your best piece, Shane - I'm so proud of you!
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012   Writer
:omfg: :D

Wow, I can't tell you how happy I am that you came back to this! :heart: I held out hope that you'd give it another shot.

Yay! I made it to Godly Things! I hold this as the most exclusive of galleries I've ever had a piece featured in. :) I'm honored, of course. :hug:

Yes, it is the good and the bad. But I tried to share my fascination with all things women, including the beauty and viciousness they inspire in men, the wicked poles that are magnetized in their presence, the philosophies they engender, the religions they set aloft or set ablaze. This is really about my envy for women, lol. And if i'm going to pretend to be one, I can't leave anything out, though I could have written a thousand pages of this and still not scratched the surface of how I feel about them, and the few prototypes that I admire the most. ;)

Best writer?? Haha! You know what my response to that is - I'm almost at your level. :p

Thank you so much for giving me your thoughts on this - it's such a rush to hear them. :blackrose:

Reply
:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you really are insane hahah :hug:
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012   Writer
Haha, you're just now getting around to this realization?
Reply
:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
;)
Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This really is amazing. I'm glad that you wrote it and that I got to read it.

:heart:
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2011   Writer
:D. I'm so glad you chose to read it and that you liked it. Thanks!
Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
you're welcome! :D
Reply
:iconprettycrazy:
PrettyCrazy Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Such an eloquent apology for my sex.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011   Writer
im very pleased you found it eloquent :) I admit being hesitant to release this poem into the wild. ;) thanks for supporting me. :heart:
Reply
:iconprettycrazy:
PrettyCrazy Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner May 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
"From birth I've been crestfallen" :heart:
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner May 15, 2011   Writer
thanks. :heart:
Reply
:icontoxic--sunrise:
toxic--sunrise Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2011
Mother or whore or star nursery run-away,
I'll peel away the subscripts;
Name me in your poetry
only
and I'll put a fiery end
to the tiresome frontier
of a hundred men.

Stone me in old testament fists, it won't matter;
I'll laugh and lantern myself in pink stockings and garter


I love it.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2011   Writer
I'm glad you love it. :)

thanks.
Reply
:iconshes-a-vamp:
shes-a-vamp Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011
Loom me with luscious
and vibrating fronds that open like tongues
in soft war of words.
It does not demean me
to admit
that I am arc-less, cold circuitry,
a prism in the dark,

_______________________

you shine like little diamonds, you flow unabashedly, your poetry's intoxicating.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011   Writer
Wow, that's very high praise! I'm pleased you found it intoxicating, because that is kind of the spell I was under while writing this. :heart:
Reply
:iconxxharlequin7xx:
xxHarlequin7xx Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is simply wonderful :meow: Your words are brilliant!
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011   Writer
thanks! I'm so glad you like it. :D
Reply
:iconxxharlequin7xx:
xxHarlequin7xx Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:D You're welcome :aww:
Reply
:iconharmonicaaa:
harmonicaaa Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is heroin for my mind. Incredibly beautiful, it nudges a lot of emotion into life..
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2011   Writer
hehe, thanks! with all apologies to your mind, i am glad you found your fix in it. :)
Reply
:iconharmonicaaa:
harmonicaaa Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
No apology needed, it's just coming back for more.. ^^
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2011
omgosh Shane, I see what you mean when you asked if I had read the poem after the update - it's wonderful! In fact, if I wasn't about to go to bed I was going to try and tackle an actual crit in your honor. You know that's not something I say lightly. However, there's no request up for a critique!

Well, perhaps during breaks between my writing project :eyes: I could work on some notes long-hand (like I did for your July haiku set) and come up with my thoughts.

I'm proud of the revision. I wish I could fave it again. <3
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2011   Writer
thanks so much for re-reading and commenting, Jadey. i'm really pleased that you like the revision. i'll enable critique on this piece, in case you have time to get to it. :heart:
Reply
:iconeyepilot13:
eyepilot13 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Epic, totally epic in scope!
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011   Writer
many thanks! i could have gone on and on about this subject. :)
Reply
:iconeyepilot13:
eyepilot13 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
One of the best poems I've read on DA. I should post some of mine but they are probably too political!
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2011   Writer
:wow: that's a massive compliment. thanks again!

when you say your poetry is too political do you mean too politically unpopular or perhaps editorializing? i mean, i think the dA lit community is generally accepting of all types of opinion pieces, assuming there's no hate mongering or bigotry.

cheers. :)
Reply
:iconeyepilot13:
eyepilot13 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Maybe editorializing... I think of myself as a "radical centrist" I don't pull punches but I'm satirical more than anything. Liberals and conservatives would probably be offended. But I like to stay under the radar so to speak.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2011   Writer
maybe you could work on changing opinions, altering paradigms with your poetry. even sight unseen, i would suggest that you should share it.
Reply
:iconeyepilot13:
eyepilot13 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I take your suggestion... art is my means of protest, the inequities of neo-liberal liquid modernity. Thanks! I may not get around to posting instantly but my written work is as important to me as my visual arts. I don't cater to phony-political correctness, I satire how I see it, just people take things so seriously.
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011   Writer
Amazing and incredibly powerful. I liked the poem before, as I'd said...but that was one hell of an edit. I'm floored.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011   Writer
i really appreciate the second read. thanks so much. :)
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2011   Writer
You're very welcome. I also moved it to the featured folder on #HumanConditions...you and this poem deserve to be featured!
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2011   Writer
thanks! :D

i'm just curious, how does HumanConditions utilize the featured gallery? it appears to be the only gallery that has no link or widget on the main group page.
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2011   Writer
As a member, you can't submit something to Featured. An admin needs to select it to be featured there. I have the power. ;) But I also have the needed objectivity, and your poem definitely deserves to be there.

I hope that answers your questions. If not...please feel free to note me. :)
Reply
:iconsarahhartmanart:
SarahHartmanArt Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011
I love the spiritual/religious undertones. This is one of the best pieces of poetry I've read in a while.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011   Writer
wow! i'm happily amazed that you feel that way about it :D and i'm glad you appreciate the spiritual underpinnings. that is a key characteristic of my fantasy ;)
Reply
:iconsarahhartmanart:
SarahHartmanArt Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011
I've been writing with spiritual undertones since I was a teen. Most of the obvious ones don't make it here, but some of the more subtle ones do. If you look close enough you can find them. I had a spiritual piece that I've struggled to finish for several weeks, that after reading your piece, I was able to finally finish the last few lines of it. I owe you a huge thanks. Maybe I'll post it here when I'm completely satisfied with it.

I love your writing, by the way.
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:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2011   Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconsarahhartmanart:
SarahHartmanArt Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2011
:)
Reply
:iconatropaean:
Atropaean Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011
I like the intro very much. Also parts like

"that I am arc-less, cold circuitry,
a prism in the dark,
stolid and spoiling
from unspent evolutions that crown from my skull"

are just wonderful.

"that pile sandcastles on beaches, making monuments
to temporal insubstantiality."

also a nice line. this is great work
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011   Writer
thanks! so glad you like it!
Reply
:iconthemadmulatto:
TheMadMulatto Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011
:clap:
I love the approach to this message!
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011   Writer
:) glad you like the approach. i humbly invite any additional thoughts you might have on it (not to be too presumptuous.)
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